


Hela's Kitchen

by fabricdragon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Other - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon Compliant, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Television, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 17:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19408045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon
Summary: Based on the definition of a crack ship  as Loki/Gordon Ramsay on Tumblr.  (When i can figure out how to insert an image  correctly i will share that)I tried to write it and it suddenly came to me how it could be canon... or really close.the title is a pun on Gordon Ramsay's show "Hell's Kitchen"





	Hela's Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lucifersfavoritechild](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifersfavoritechild/gifts).



Loki had one chance to survive, and he took it: he reached out through the link to the mind stone that had once bound him to Thanos and the Other, used that link to reach his magics out and desperately activated it…

~

Gordon was cleaning up after a long shift- people had no idea how hard it was to film a reality show, honestly- and his knee was killing him. The idiots running this restaurant were never going to succeed if they couldn't supervise clean up… and the staff meant well but didn't know what they were doing, because they’d never been properly trained. _Frankly they were lucky I got here before the health inspectors, although they were still busy cleaning up after that...mess._

Gordon was still thinking about how a city could be invaded by aliens and remain this blase about it all- New Yorkers were an odd bunch- as he threw a bag of garbage into the dumpster when he heard a weak moan…

“Oh christ, did someone have a kip in the dumpster?” Luckily no, they were next to it: unluckily they weren’t napping, they’d been beaten- badly.

“Steady on there,” Gordon tried to check his pulse, “I’ll get you an ambulance- you’ll be ok…”

A surprisingly strong hand grabbed his wrist, “No! No… I can't…”

 _Shite, right, they have to pay for medical care… poor fellow probably can't afford it_. “Okay, okay…” he kept his voice as calm as he could, “How about an ice pack for some of that and we make sure you aren’t bleeding too badly, hmm?” The restaurant hadn't had a decent first aid kit, but luckily his tech crew did.

“What the hell?” His production manager sputtered when he walked in with the man. Gordon was grateful the man was able to keep most of his weight on his own feet, because he was VERY tall.

“Found him out near the dumpster- he’s been beaten up pretty badly and … i think maybe stabbed.”

“So call the cops!”

“He can’t afford an ambulance, Jerry. Your country charges for that, you know.”

“He’s probably sick! For Christ’s sake!”

Gordon sighed and tuned him out as he got the man settled on a camera man’s folding chair and got some water, ice packs and so on. He really wasn't paying attention to Jerry so he was startled when the beating victim started to protest and tried to get up.

“What? Easy there…”

“Can’t call… stop him…”

“Jerry! What the FUCK are you doing?”

“Calling the cops, what does it look like i’m doing?”

“You call ANYONE without clearing it through me and i walk off set.”

“... you wouldn't…?”

Gordon turned and fixed the man with a level stare- Jerry had worked with him long enough to know that was far more dangerous than Gordon yelling.

“Uh… right…” he put his phone away, “they’re probably busy with other stuff anyway…”

The victim relaxed a bit and then when Gordon turned back to continue with first aid asked, “When is it?” 

“Early morning sometime…”

“No… what year?”

“Uh...what year?”

“Yes.”

“2013… uh… what do you remember? You were beaten up pretty badly and i really think you do need a doctor-”

Gordon cut off as the man started laughing- a bit raspily but not like he was hysterical. “We are in England?”

“No… I’m English, though, so the accent is English: we’re in New York…”

He smiled suddenly and looked up at him- one eye swollen shut the other bloodshot but a brilliant green… Gordon suddenly realized that when he wasn't beaten and covered in garbage he was probably a damn good looking man. “New York… 2013… so after the invasion… but still cleaning up.”

“... yesss?” maybe he was on drugs? “Do you need to be treated for an overdose? I think one of the tech crew has”

“No.. i was nearly killed… very nearly… but not by that.” he held a hand braced against his ribs and sat up with a hiss. “I will recover, i have recovered from injuries before… I thank you for your help but i… have to leave before your friend calls…”

“He’s not my friend, exactly, he’s the production manager for the show.”

“Show?” he frowned in puzzlement and the cut on his lip started oozing again sluggishly. Gordon handed him an ice cube in a towel.

“I’m Gordon Ramsay…” no reaction. “Its a show about me going into failing restaurants and trying to fix things up- not sure this one can be fixed because the owners are completely incompetent.”

He looked around the kitchen slowly, “It looks… well?”

“We’ve been doing our best, but what does it tell you that the owners and most of the staff went home and left a bag of garbage in the kitchen overnight?” Gordon smiled, “That’s why i was throwing the bag out when i found you. Anyway Jerry can’t afford to rsk me walking out so he won't do anything but have a drink and grumble.”

“Ah… i… am…” he frowned a bit, “I should not stay in New York.”

“Hey! I just realized you have a bit of an English accent? Are you just picking it up from me? Or…”

“I am not from your-” he cut off abruptly and held the ice cube to his lip. Then a bit more slowly, “I am not from England but i do pick up accents, yes… I am not from New York, though, i was just visiting…”

“When you got jumped…” Gordon looked at the remains of the leather trousers the man was wearing, “Coming back from a club?”

“... yes… yes i was. I think… it's all a bit… confused.”

“Is there anyone i can call? If nothing else you need to rest.”

“No… no i am.. I am on my own.”

Gordon looked in the direction of Jerry- he could hear the man bitching to the remaining tech crew- “we have a support van parked nearby… you could… you could crash there for the night, as long as you don't touch any of the equipment.”

He looked startled at him and then slowly nodded, “I would be in your debt… further than i already am.”

“Nah, don't worry about it.” Gordon smiled at him. “Maybe we can put you to work helping out? God knows they could use it.”

“... i do not know what I can do, but… if i can repay your hospitality…”

Gordon shrugged, he doubted the man would be useful, but his knee was telling him very firmly to rest it- maybe the guy could run errands or drag stuff out to the dumpster… or wash dishes or something.

“So what’s your name? What can I call you?”

“... Lucas. Its Lucas… Lucas Utangard.”

“Quite a mouthful… Ok Lucas, let me get you someplace to stay and … we’ll see about getting you some clothes and… you can help out a bit tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> In real Life Gordon Ramsay injured his knee in sports and after that went into cooking as a profession. he is a nice guy who only screams at chefs who should know better (watch him with kid chefs sometime, he's sweet). since this is a Crack treated seriously, and a WIP i make no guarantees how close to the real bio of Gordon Ramsay or his wife, (because IRL he is married with kids) i will stay.  
> therefore i do not know if this will be a Gordon Ramsay & Loki, or a / fic


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